My inner vixen needs me to know my self worth. So many women have not a clue what's so ever what their self worth is. I always think of that scene in Joy Luck Club where the wife that's married to Andrew McCarthey is sitting out in the rain just truly drenched and she's PISSED. Her mother told her the story of her own way of finding her worth as a young girl and then she a woman so full of self worth raised a daughter who wasn't.
I think of this with my mother and myself. My mother was this woman who knew who she was and how to exist in her environment and she had me who constantly stumbles through this world and at 32 is still trying to figure out who in the world I am.
I am listening to a teleseminar (my favorite thing to do almost every day) and it's a feminine empowerment seminar and this call is about finding your self worth and I have TOTALLY tuned them out. I don't believe in tuning out people but for some reason today in this moment I find myself constantly hearing the same things about finding my self worth. I need to love myself, which I do! I need to forgive myself, which I have. And I need to be happy with my life no matter what.......dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnn, yeah here is where the problem lies. I did a great deal of forgiving myself just recently and telling myself that I wasn't going to hurt myself anymore but I can't seem to get myself to feel happy in the present moment.
Total suckocity. I could change my whole world if I would just be happy in the present moment. I have done the whole, fake it to make it and the second that my hormones act up or I feel crudy woops there goes the faking anything!
I am amazing just the way I am, that's what the woman just said on the call. What am I good at and what is my purpose?
What the hell, she's saying it may take a year of me doing a Stuart Smiley mirror conversation until I finally start to embrace it and believe it, oh hell no! I need the fast track to happy hormonous Vixen kristen.
Hmm, I'm gonna have to think about this. I might have to go and consult the mirror and talk to myself and see if I can come to some sort of agreement with myself on speeding stuff up because I refuse to feel crappy for a whole nother year. My self worth is far too important!
Let me stop thinking for now, even though I know I'll be fixated on this for the rest of the night.
I will embrace my greatness!!!
Vixen
I've never seen Joy Luck Club. Why would anyone married to Andrew McCarthy have ANY reason to be pissed off out in the rain???
ReplyDeleteLol, you should watch it. Its an amazing movie about womens empowerment from the view of several asian womens families. Its. Great movie. Now I want to rent it. Oh and andrew mccarthy was barely in the movie
ReplyDeleteKristen...you know me. This is THE struggle. You have to make your life something you enjoy. I love travelling. it is my thing. I work my butt off to be able to pursue my joy, traveling. It makes some days seem crazy and boring and not really worth much, but it always makes me happy the second I step foot on distance beach, sit in a jungle or am shopping in the middle of the day with my biggest concern being what to eat at the next meal. I love my work (on my days) but traveling makes my life worth living. Besides the fact that I know that I am an amazing woman with so much to give. I know a little about everything and a lot about a few things, but I always make some pretty interesting conversations. Find your thing and make it your life.
ReplyDeleteI attempted this comment originally on the pc and now that I'm on my nook I forgot most of it. BUT I think it was that Nichole you and Misty shoupd have a traveling show because that's what she really wants to do and then I could come travel with you guys from time to time
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