St. Paddy's and nowhere to be

Ahhhh, poor inner vixen is bored as hell because I have put myself on some serious lockdown sometime ago. I truly was miserable with the guys that I was dating and I just couldn't deal with the total amount of mess anymore! SO i'd rather just hang out at home then unleash my as of yet not great confidence out into the world and either sit in the corner and rather be at home OR I'd attract some huge arsehole who I DO NOT need to be hanging out with.

Now don't think I don't want to be out shaking my ass in a bar or a club with my green on and such, because green is my FAVORITE color and I do have Irish blood and such, but man I'm tired of some mess! 'The Mess', oh man the mess. I have allowed guys to treat me like some used up tissue. It goes right back to me talking about Worth from my 2nd post. I am just slowly starting to embrace my self worth, but hello I am continuously talking about my self esteem and confidence being in the gutter. I'm TIRED of being some low esteem woman who doesn't know how freakin awesome I am.

Oh wow I'm sitting here getting hot over crazy Casey Abhrams. Egh, my inner vixen might just be a freakin cougar. I've been thinking about a little bit younger man then myself recently. I use to be so crazed for wanting a man who is older then me. I have been known to fuss at friends because I think what in the world does a younger man have to give, but GOOD LORD this younger man (not Casey) has got my mind flippin out all over the place and I don't know what to do. Yes, I did say up above that I am a terrible judge of character and that my insecurties make me act up with men but this guy......lets just say time will tell. And also, it's not me who is trying to like him. It's almost as if he just popped into my mind one day when I wasn't even looking. Or even thinking of him. So who knows.

I do know this much though, I have a lot of work that I need to do on myself and if he's there when I am ready then ITS ON!!!!! Right now is Kristen time. I am not going to sabatage one more relationship because of my insecurities but if a fine man is around when I am ready then I'll marry him. BUT until that day as I said, it's Kristen time and I'm gonna work on ME!

I know so many may say, why not just go for the man and blah blah blah? BECAUSE I will ruin it! And having dated a couple of amazing guys in the past I won't ruin what could be the best thing ever for me again.

So, back to my journey to inner vixen and loving myself!

Later folks. Happy St. Patricks day